Maybe I am not the special one for you

You once told me about this and i modify slightly. But your original meanings are there.

"Maybe I am not the one for you. Maybe I am just a passerby for you to grow and meet someone better in life. For you to see how others would have loved you better and treated you better. True love is about letting go and giving the best for you and hoping you would grow and naturally be happy"

I think I am just your passerby. Someone who loves you and watches your happiness from behind quietly.

Love is almighty. Love is great. Love is miracle. Love is everything. Love is true. Love is pure. And true love don't disappear and it last forever.

People said this to me, saying I LOVE YOU takes a lot of courage. Just like you, because in the first few weeks, you never said that to me and I cry in tears when you finally say the 3 words to me.

It takes 3 seconds to say I LOVE YOU but it takes a lifetime to forget. When a person says I LOVE YOU, and the next moment say I DON'T LOVE YOU, it probably just mean that they never love you in the first place. I am sure your love to me is real. And you're probably hurting now and thinking of me but you can't do anything because you have already accepted his love and doesn't want to hurt his feelings and everything he has done for you.

Maybe the pieces of me are drifting away from your heart, when you started to fall for him. I am really thankful for the kiss on my neck during my birthday. At least, I still have that one special memory left for my birthday this year as a present. 

Somehow, all the words that you have said to me earlier about your feelings, reflected what I am going through now. All the painful feelings knowing you have moved on with another guy, knowing that I am left alone here struggling to move on and let go. The only difference is, it's not you but me. And the cruel fact is that, you are now attached. So quickly while I am going thru one of the hardest moment in my life facing my relationship and my grandma.

I must have done too much bad things in my past life. All karma is on me now. If only I can be tougher. If only I can be a real guy that doesn't care much about love. If only I just accept things the way it is and move on with life. There are far more fishes in the ocean that any man can handle. I just don't understand why I am only attached to you.

7 billion people in the world and we met unexpectedly in the bus and got together. And you instantly become my true love. How terrible is that? Or how wonderful life can be knowing that true love still exist?

No matter what has happen or how i think or what i will do, the fact can never be changed. He is still your bf now. Leave the rest to god to arrange for my future relationships and the finances in my hand.

If you come back in the future, it means that you are mine. If not, waiting is still worth it. Because you are definitely worth the wait. And you are definitely more important than anything else in this world. My one and only true love. I read back all our messages in the past 3 weeks. I realise sometimes, if I will just be patience and waited for you, you might come back. But now, it's certain that you are not going to return because you have accepted him. Still the future is not certain. My door will always open. Just to heal your wounded heart in the future. I can't say how much I loved you, I can only show you what I meant, when I say I LOVE YOU.

Take care as always. May all the happiness angels be with you always. And let all those bad angels and devils come to me. I have taken and experienced real pain beyond imagination. Please don't let her, my dear Ashley, shed a single tears for any guys anymore. Let all the bad things be with me and only the good with her. I sincerely pray and wishes her the very best in her life may it be health, relationship, or prosperity.

Remember this, maybe I am not the special one for you. But you will always be the special one in my heart. No one can replace you and time will proof that whatever I say will be kept forever. You never really truly understand me or given me enough time to proof to you. I will use this lifetime to show you what true love means and what it can do.

Dylan Love Ashley

Do you believe in miracles and fate?
Yes, I definitely do
Looking at you silently from a corner of the bus
And your young sweet innocent face caught my attention immediately
Never had I know someone from such an environment

Life is full of obstacles, challenges and exciting experiences
Only to find out who is the right person for us
Venom can be poisonous
Except that some of it can be a cure

As long as you believe in it
Something good will follow closely
Having said all the above
Life for me now is all about you
Endlessly loving you
Yours forever

I will never hate you

"No matter how much you hated me, no matter how much you don't want to see me, I will never do the same to you as I felt love when I think of you. 

In order to see the rainbow, you must first see the rain. In order to feel love, you must first feel the pain.

I love you always even when you don't anymore"

Japan trip

The ticket for Japan trip is already purchased and I have created many surprises within the hotel and with the staff as well to make it the most romantic and memorable trip you will ever have. And not to forget lots of sushi and sashimi as well. But since you already have a new bf. I can't do anything about it but to accept the fact that you will no longer go on this trip with me.

I always wanted to do a lot of things for you and to make our life beautiful and sweet with full of surprises. But I am not given that chance long enough for me to proof it to you that I mean my words when I say I will change and I mean my words when I say "I LOVE YOU".

Although I will never have the chance to propose to you, I wish you all the best with him as I wanted the best for you as well. I will try and cancel your ticket or if it's not possible, will go alone with your ticket burn since you already had a bf. I will wait for you until the very last day and ask you if you will go with me. If you are not coming, I will find my japan colleagues who has worked in asian games and olympics. Luckily wherever I go, still have colleagues throughout the asia pacific. Anyway, dates are 2 to 10 March. Always remember, the decision is chosen by yourself and always it is never to late to change as long as you feel better and comfortable. If you have never feel pain in your love, then you don't realise how much important this person is to you. And that is when the real test begins and if this obstacle can be taken away, then the rest of your life will be beautiful. Same as mine actually.

But as you wish, I will never send a single message to you anymore. You always threaten me. And always there is nothing I can do because of my love to you although I hated so much when people threaten me. I don't want you to hate me. I only wanted you to remember and imagine the real me, the guy you have seen in the bus, the guy who loves kids so much, the guy whom are ready to be part of your family and wishes you to be part of his as well. The guy who will brought more happiness to you in the future, the guy whom will bring you wherever he goes, the guy that will love you for the rest of his life and share all the pains with you.

Don't worry about what I said above.. All just a dream. I will wake up from it one day. Sometimes, I am hoping to wake up and hoping that everything that is happening now is just a dream.

One day, when I stop blogging. It will be the day when I stop remembering. And a day when I stop grieving. And a day when I finally let go. Take care my love.

PLEASE REMEMBER, WE NEED VISA TO ENTER JAPAN AND THE PERIOD OF OBTAINING A VISA IS 3 to 4 WORKING DAYS!

I know I am very stupid to hope for things that is actually dead. It's like asking dead people to come back alive. I really hate myself.

What is actually on your mind?

The way you replied really break my heart into pieces. Maybe you are just trying to be cruel so that I can let go of you. Maybe you really still hated me so much. For whatever reason it is, I just hope I don't send you anymore text messages, because the more I receive your reply, the more painful my heart felt. I though it should be better after knowing you already had a bf. But hearing you mentioning it again, really put a knife through my heart.

The girl who once said how much she loved me and how her love will remains for a thousand years. But the fact now is despite her words, she is now with another guy. I don't even know how to believe but this is the truth now. I guess the only way I really can let go is to leave this place as soon as possible to a place we have never been before. And start my life there all over again.

Things changed, I have to accept this fact. People never always remain the same forever. Even character will change. Who say character never change? Even words change. 

A thousand years love.... Does it even exist.. Or it's just me alone who still believes in fairytale love.

3rd Day of Recovery

Good morning baby. Sorry, I am just so used to call you by this name and actually this blog is considered a ghost blog because I don't know if anyone is reading it at all especially you. This blog, I just made for you only and hopefully no other third parties you or me know have access to this link.

Busy preparing myself for work and I really don't know how to face my big boss because I have ignored his phone calls since last 3 days. Hope you work will be smooth today and you are able to generate higher sales and hit your target finally. At least he will be a great help in this since you both are together now.

I have no chance to ask about your health and the pain behind your back. I hope all is well for you and you did your medical check regularly.

To be honest, I don't know if waiting like this would even do any good to me but my heart just said to my mind, keep waiting as true love is worth waiting. Even if you have no response from the other side, you also need to keep waiting. There is a saying and wonderful quote; 

"If someone waits for you it doesn't mean that they have nothing else to do, it just means that nothing else is more important than you :)."

Just realise this, when the world gets darker around you, you are always not alone. As you still have me. You may be someone else gf/wife, but I will still be around you. Every morning, I wake up, I think of you hoping you will have a great day and happy with him. And I will pray for your family too. Before I sleep, I make sure I tell the angels to give you sweet dreams so you can sleep all the way till morning.


It doesn't matter to me if my love will be returned in the end, as all I care now is just how to survive this battle and not to win it. Because survival will only makes me stronger and continue to fight the battle later. God has given me a great hint. At least survive the battle not to win it now but to ensure you live long enough to see through the years behind her rather than die in the battle knowing she will attend your funeral and cry for you.

I will love you always. Have a great productive working day.

The end of 2nd day - a night outing alone at 1Utama

I spend my evening at 1 Utama today. After coming back from the office. Not much work done in the office as usual due to day dreaming and keep reading love stories and finding quotes that inspires me. And not to mention keep playing back our video album and putting up post on my blog. I just couldn't stop my hand from keep pressing the replay button. Luckily no one was in the office today.

Right after that, just left to 1 Utama and walk alone. All along, I have been doing things together with you, shopping with you, walking with you, hand on hand together but today, i just realise what it felt by being alone again. I had dinner alone today at one of the korean restaurant. Looking around me, is couples walking past, groups with friends, families or colleagues. I have friends and colleagues. But I realise, without you, I don't even have the mood to find my friends or colleagues. I just realise that all this while, you have been the pillar of strength for me, the girl whom I fight my future for, the girl whom I wanted to marry, whom I wanted to die for and the girl who supported me and suffered serious painful experience for me for a period of 4 months. Now that you have left me, I feel lost and lonely. No other beauty in this world is enough to match the feelings you once gave me.

I walked past Sushi Zanmai, I walked past the places we use to eat and I purposely choose the place we never been before to have my meal. Everywhere I go, there are memories of us. I walked past a row of baby shops and I think of Jayden, Mason and Kingston. I walked past cotton on, forever 21, I think of you. And finally, I decided to watch a movie to try and kill time. I bought hotel deluxe. I guess you must have watched it maybe with him. We use to watch all movies together. I got the ticket and when it's time to enter, I just walked into the cinema, and it was the first row and only 7 seats in the first row on a small cinema. 6 of them were occupied by a group of couples and friends. They bought 6 and left my seat and before I came in, they were already taking my seat thinking that nobody would be foolish enough to watch this movie alone in a festive season like this. But here am I, looking so awkwardly at them and said, sorry, this is my seat. Of course, they say sorry and awkwardly move back to their seats. Wonder what they would have said behind me? I don't care much. My mind again is all about you when i watch that movie. Some of the scenes reminds me of you, of our days together.

I realise that you were no longer here anymore with me and will never come back. Now it's sure that you will never come back and already with him and staying together. Heart felt really pain. But i promise myself to stay strong no matter what. The loneliness and emptiness in my heart has never felt so real since we broke up. Until you accepted him. Then only I realise how fragile love really is.

If I would have the chance to see your earlier, to meet you more often and do more things for you, instead of giving him more chances to come near to you, I think maybe there is hope. But you wouldn't let me go near you.. Not even text or call. This is all because of me and the things I have done.. This is all fated. To test my love.. And true enough, that

"Love doesn't count on the laughter that you shared but on the pain and tears you tried to get over with just for the sake of holding on."

You will never realise true love until you understand what pain in your heart really means. You are happy now being loved and pampered by another man. Maybe you will not understand the pain of seeing the person that was once with you and loved you being with another man. And the pain that you need to endure knowing that you can't let go of the person who has already let go of you. That's the pain I am feeling now.

I no longer put any hope on our relationship as I know the moment you accepted him, that is the day you officially let go of our love. I may be wrong in judging you like this but if it happens to me, you would think the same way too. 

Since now that everything is clear, I wanted to tell you that, since we broke up 2 months ago until now, not a single day have I not regret what I have done to you in the past and how much I wanted to show you the changes in me. But every time I tried to cool and relax, I will see things which i am not suppose, or hear things which I am not suppose. It's really hard to control what I will write in anger. I am really sorry for the words I use and say. But what I failed to do, is to convince you that, if you really return to me, I will definitely change for you and even better than before a thousand times. I no longer care if you would stay with me every night as family is more important. And I no longer care if you go out with your friends 7 times a week as I know you will spend time with me as well. And I no longer care if you wanted to learn your hobbies and favourite activities because I will happily do it with you just like how we both learn how to make cookies. The most important point is that, I can trust you completely because you have chosen to give me another chance if you came back. I will never bully you or hurt you again as I feel the pain now myself. I failed to convince you and let others take care of you instead. 

I tell myself repeated since Friday that, you have moved on, then I have to move on too. I will try. Even though I know the roads ahead will never be easy for me in the days to come. I love you always. Stay happy and loving with him. Goodnight.

People always say that if you never fight and give up, you are a loser forever. But if you fight, you will win the battle in the end if you never give up. GOD, can you tell me, if this battle I am fighting now, even have any chance of winning in the end? Or I am just fighting a losing battle. I hope you could hint me in my dreams.