Dear Baby Ashley, today mark 2 weeks of recovery and also 2 weeks of your anniversary with him. I sincerely hope you and him will have 1 month, 1 year and 10 years ahead of you. Suddenly, in the office, my tears nearly roll down. But just hold it back with a deep breath while saying this. I have not felt this for some days now since you with him but saying that sentence out really feel some pain. Especially to you. Like the truth about love. The most painful lie is wishing the girl you love happy with someone else. But still I have to hold the pain and sincerely wish you all the happiness with him.
I am still very busy with the last day of my workshop. Then tomorrow will have a short vacation on an island again away from the busy city area and the painful life as well. Hope things goes well at the end of my event today. I just received the official from FIFA a moment ago and just had about 5 minutes to quickly post this. I already made a promise to myself to update this blog no matter how busy I am. And also to take some time to think of you and remember you. I misses you so much now.. Sigh....
I have to go now to finish the second half of my event and then have a good outing with friends tonight. Really need some time off to do some stuff for my own.
Baby, always remember, even the world seems to come to an end to you, even if you feel that nothing goes right, you will always have me to support you and also to make things right again for you. My love to you will never change. I will always be protecting you forever and ever. I love you always baby.
Please take care of yourself and have a nice working day today. Weekend is coming soon. Hope you enjoy it too with him. I really hope to turn back time so we could be together again. But it's basically impossible and i have to stop dreaming and face the reality. Remember to take your lunch and also to take care of your health.
Love you always and forever.... Distance, time, and any obstacles can never take away my love to you. As long as you are happy. I will be happy.
Thursday, 28 February 2013
The end of 13th Day - Exciting day
Today is a very exciting and fun day for me. Having mixed with over 40 producers, directors, cameraman in over 20 different countries to cover a real life football match in Shah Alam Stadium. We covered the Malaysia President Cup between Selangor and Terrenganu. Quite a boring match but the feelings with those international participants is just great.
But really tiring at the same time. I hope to be able to share my joy and excitement with you about this. We use to talk about things like this as well. But sharing it here is also the same. As only you might be reading, or might not but I will just share it as well. I played the switcher today and became the director for the live football coverage for 20 mins. It was really a good experience but really funny as well because it was my first time directing and switching the football match in an OB Van provided by ASTRO. I am really happy today and you are the first one I really wanted to share it with.
It has been nearly 10 days since we last message each other. I am trying not to communicate with you anymore and let you lead a normal and happy life with him. And I think, in this regards, I manage to do it. Loving you and not hurting you is my main priority forever after learning the hardest to cope experience and feelings in my life. I will never forget the day we broke up as well and the reasons behind it. Because of the same reason, I manage to wake up stronger than ever and be who I always wanted to be in the future.
I missed you so much now. Feel like hugging you. And really feel like seeing you. I use to hold your hands every time I drive my car. Now sometimes, I just put my hand on the seat next to me and look at it. Because it reminds me of how I always hold your hand. And how you always say "Ni hen Cute, Quo lai and kiss me" Sigh.. Thinking of it, seems like he is the one getting all this attention now. Feel a bit pain and sad in the heart now. But it's ok. I will overcome this slowly but not instantly.
I love you always baby forever and for a thousands years more to come. Please remember to take care of your health and drink more fruit juices ya. See a doctor also when you're free. Good night and sweet dreams.
PS: please allow Ashley baby to come into my dream tonight. I wanted to see son and daughter again tonight in my dream. Love you always.
But really tiring at the same time. I hope to be able to share my joy and excitement with you about this. We use to talk about things like this as well. But sharing it here is also the same. As only you might be reading, or might not but I will just share it as well. I played the switcher today and became the director for the live football coverage for 20 mins. It was really a good experience but really funny as well because it was my first time directing and switching the football match in an OB Van provided by ASTRO. I am really happy today and you are the first one I really wanted to share it with.
It has been nearly 10 days since we last message each other. I am trying not to communicate with you anymore and let you lead a normal and happy life with him. And I think, in this regards, I manage to do it. Loving you and not hurting you is my main priority forever after learning the hardest to cope experience and feelings in my life. I will never forget the day we broke up as well and the reasons behind it. Because of the same reason, I manage to wake up stronger than ever and be who I always wanted to be in the future.
I missed you so much now. Feel like hugging you. And really feel like seeing you. I use to hold your hands every time I drive my car. Now sometimes, I just put my hand on the seat next to me and look at it. Because it reminds me of how I always hold your hand. And how you always say "Ni hen Cute, Quo lai and kiss me" Sigh.. Thinking of it, seems like he is the one getting all this attention now. Feel a bit pain and sad in the heart now. But it's ok. I will overcome this slowly but not instantly.
I love you always baby forever and for a thousands years more to come. Please remember to take care of your health and drink more fruit juices ya. See a doctor also when you're free. Good night and sweet dreams.
PS: please allow Ashley baby to come into my dream tonight. I wanted to see son and daughter again tonight in my dream. Love you always.
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
13th Day of Recover
The day for recovery and the days we have broken up till now keep on going longer and longer. I don't know now what recovery really means to me. Is it totally forgotten about you, totally don't think of you anymore, totally don't love you, totally moved on? I think for me, recovery is just to tell myself that love is something miracle, you can love somebody from far but doesn't necessary need to own them or be with them. This is what you thought me. The other party may not love you anymore and happily with another guy but you can still love them and be happy about it. This will be the ultimate recovery that I hope to achieve.
Today will be another busy day for me. Going to the hotel to meet the participants for breakfast and then going to shah alam stadium to cover a live football production. Interesting day for me too.
I wonder how you will pass your days and also your doctors? Really missed the days when you talked and complained for 2 hours every day about your work, hospitals and doctors. I am really an idiot and asshole for losing you when I once had the chance to be with you forever and probably in the next few days or weeks, happily engaged.
I wonder how my ring is right now. Hope that you can place it together with son for the moment or at least tie a string to our son. Everything about you from your toes up till your hair, I will never forget. And everything wonderful about our memories, will stay with me forever.
I love you always and forever. Please take care of yourself. I am planning for a Europe trip during your birthday. It was suppose to be with you. But I will go alone. Planning to get your birthday present there. Although we are not together, I will still always treat you as someone very special in my heart. The only girl I love. I know you like Chanel. Will visit Paris for that. Your birthday, you might be happily celebrating it with him and your friends. I will be alone celebrating it with you in my mind in a foreign country. I will not be in Malaysia that time but will mail your present to you.
I love you always baby. A thousand years song is the song I never failed to listen every single day because I played our video everyday. Take care and have a great working day today. Let us both gambatte for our future and hope that both our wishes will come true. I will pray for you and your family as always.
Today will be another busy day for me. Going to the hotel to meet the participants for breakfast and then going to shah alam stadium to cover a live football production. Interesting day for me too.
I wonder how you will pass your days and also your doctors? Really missed the days when you talked and complained for 2 hours every day about your work, hospitals and doctors. I am really an idiot and asshole for losing you when I once had the chance to be with you forever and probably in the next few days or weeks, happily engaged.
I wonder how my ring is right now. Hope that you can place it together with son for the moment or at least tie a string to our son. Everything about you from your toes up till your hair, I will never forget. And everything wonderful about our memories, will stay with me forever.
I love you always and forever. Please take care of yourself. I am planning for a Europe trip during your birthday. It was suppose to be with you. But I will go alone. Planning to get your birthday present there. Although we are not together, I will still always treat you as someone very special in my heart. The only girl I love. I know you like Chanel. Will visit Paris for that. Your birthday, you might be happily celebrating it with him and your friends. I will be alone celebrating it with you in my mind in a foreign country. I will not be in Malaysia that time but will mail your present to you.
I love you always baby. A thousand years song is the song I never failed to listen every single day because I played our video everyday. Take care and have a great working day today. Let us both gambatte for our future and hope that both our wishes will come true. I will pray for you and your family as always.
The end of 12th Day - My nail is gone
I was so tired that immediately when I came home, I just fell asleep. Thus this post was a bit late. Yesterday night I injured my finger and my nail immediately got broken up till my flesh. Haiz.. Stupid door..
Anyway, it was a good sleep and I dream of you. But the dream was a little unclear and blurry at the same time. But I was happy and glad that at least you came into my dream. You know, I have never loved someone like how I loved you before. It's already 9 weeks. And you are still so clearly in my mind every single day when I wake up, in the middle of the day, and before I sleep and even during my sleep.
How I wish I could see you again, give you a hug, a warm kiss and just do the things we use to do together again. Don't worry, this was all just a dream and just a hope. It will never happen. Plus, you may be very happy with him now and have forgotten me. But I don't mind really. If you are happy, then I am happy.
The blurry dream was actually about us making love. You know how much we both enjoyed making love when together. To be completely honest with you, I will never touch any other girls again in my life. Except for you. You have changed me completely and make me understand some principals and concepts and philosophies in life that I never did before. All my promises to you will remain forever.
I love you always and forever my baby girl. This sentence will always be on every post of mine in this blog. Have a sweet dreams.
How I wish I could see you again, give you a hug, a warm kiss and just do the things we use to do together again. Don't worry, this was all just a dream and just a hope. It will never happen. Plus, you may be very happy with him now and have forgotten me. But I don't mind really. If you are happy, then I am happy.
The blurry dream was actually about us making love. You know how much we both enjoyed making love when together. To be completely honest with you, I will never touch any other girls again in my life. Except for you. You have changed me completely and make me understand some principals and concepts and philosophies in life that I never did before. All my promises to you will remain forever.
I love you always and forever my baby girl. This sentence will always be on every post of mine in this blog. Have a sweet dreams.
My family
Half an hour more towards the end of my event today. It runs really well with everything prepared thanks to all the support from my colleague. Mainly, I just want to thank you for giving me the chance to experience true love. It really gives me a lot of strength and courage to move on and to work even harder for my future. Thanks to you my beloved baby.
Suddenly I would like to show you the photo of my family which we took on Sunday. My mum, dad and my 2 sis and her husband is there as well. And also together with my mum's side brothers and also their wife and children.
They are all my mum's side family members. Big is it. Actually there are a few more that didn't make it to this lunch. You can guess which one is my sister and also my youngest one which looks like a tomboy. Haha. Guess my dad and mum also if you are looking at this blog.
But anyway, can't type more. I really misses you and hope you are happy with your work today. You also will be finishing work soon or maybe busy with OT but just enjoy your life ok. You are meant to be enjoying it. Tonight I will be having dinner with the delegates. After that might have drink with some of the delegates.
I love you always baby. You are my gem in the past, present and also in the future if I ever have the chance to wait for your return. Take care.. Remember to take care of your health and also more fruit juices.
 |
| My family members |
Suddenly I would like to show you the photo of my family which we took on Sunday. My mum, dad and my 2 sis and her husband is there as well. And also together with my mum's side brothers and also their wife and children.
They are all my mum's side family members. Big is it. Actually there are a few more that didn't make it to this lunch. You can guess which one is my sister and also my youngest one which looks like a tomboy. Haha. Guess my dad and mum also if you are looking at this blog.
But anyway, can't type more. I really misses you and hope you are happy with your work today. You also will be finishing work soon or maybe busy with OT but just enjoy your life ok. You are meant to be enjoying it. Tonight I will be having dinner with the delegates. After that might have drink with some of the delegates.
I love you always baby. You are my gem in the past, present and also in the future if I ever have the chance to wait for your return. Take care.. Remember to take care of your health and also more fruit juices.
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
12th Day of Recovery
My event finally up and running now. The trainers are doing the trainings now and I can rest for a while and reply my emails. Really tired. Only had about 1 hour of sleep. Sigh..
I hope you are doing great in your job. My recovery so far is doing great. But as I keep saying repeatedly, I will honour my promises to you. I don't want you to say that I keep changing but actually I am not. The reason I keep changing is because of you and him. But like I say, once it's confirm, I will leave you both alone.
I really loved you. That's the truth about me and you. But nothing I can do now. I will just concentrate on my work.
I will heading to a weekend vacation with my friends just to relax myself after my event which will end on Friday. I have postpone the Japan trip because of my grandma sudden death as I will need to go back 1 more time next week. So the trip is now postpone. You don't have to worry about it and just concentrate on your work. I will go alone and just burn your ticket if they cannot cancel and refund me.
I love you always and forever. Enjoy your work and hope that you are happy with him always.
I hope you are doing great in your job. My recovery so far is doing great. But as I keep saying repeatedly, I will honour my promises to you. I don't want you to say that I keep changing but actually I am not. The reason I keep changing is because of you and him. But like I say, once it's confirm, I will leave you both alone.
I really loved you. That's the truth about me and you. But nothing I can do now. I will just concentrate on my work.
I will heading to a weekend vacation with my friends just to relax myself after my event which will end on Friday. I have postpone the Japan trip because of my grandma sudden death as I will need to go back 1 more time next week. So the trip is now postpone. You don't have to worry about it and just concentrate on your work. I will go alone and just burn your ticket if they cannot cancel and refund me.
I love you always and forever. Enjoy your work and hope that you are happy with him always.
The end of 11th Day - 4 am now
It's already 4 am. I just got back home after a long tiring day at work because of the FIFA event. Still I need to wake up at 6.30 to be in the office at 7 and the hotel and 8 to welcome the delegates. It's so damn tiring.
But yet, you are still in my mind as always. Never left me not even for a single day. I guess, you really motivate me in a way. It doesn't matter if you are with who now, and definitely not with me, but I will always fight my career for you. I will still work hard, build a name for myself in the industry and retire by 36. By then, if you are not with me, you might be happily married. I will still be very happy for you.
Today at work, while doing my things, suddenly very funny because I am like having sudden thought and dream about our kids. To be honest, I really really misses your 3 nephews. And also I will miss how our kids will look like in the future. This profile picture I put in this blog will always remind me of how happy we can actually be if I trusted you and give you more freedom and stop being an idiot and more mature. Too bad, the damages are done and even though now I change, you will not come back. I can just accept this and already did openly.
Now, I just hope that everything goes well in my life and no more screwed ups. Let all the past be past and just remember the happy things that we once gone thru together. I will always cherish that. At the same time, collecting all our photos to be made into a big photo collage.. I just want to keep it beautiful.
Am I stupid for loving you like this? Will you think I am stupid? For me, I just think that love is not stupid or not clever, not right or wrong, it's only the purity and sincerity of the love that matters the most to me. And i can feel it straight from my heart how I felt about you.
I will always loves you and protect you from whatever harm you might be. I wish to deliver daughter to you soon. Whenever you are ready, just let me know. We don't have to meet. Just allow me to drop it at your car anywhere. Then I will leave.
Baby, you are the best. Always remember this. I may not appreciate you last time, but definitely now, you are my everything. I just simply love you very very much. More than words can say and describe. It will never change for a thousand years to come or many more thousand years. Don't let anyone take advantage of you. I know you are capable of protecting yourself. Stay happy always and if you needed me, remember, just a call away.
This blog will always be active to update my daily activities and love towards you. I love you always. Have a good night sleep and hope that the angel of dreams will be with you and give you sweet wonderful dreams.
But yet, you are still in my mind as always. Never left me not even for a single day. I guess, you really motivate me in a way. It doesn't matter if you are with who now, and definitely not with me, but I will always fight my career for you. I will still work hard, build a name for myself in the industry and retire by 36. By then, if you are not with me, you might be happily married. I will still be very happy for you.
Today at work, while doing my things, suddenly very funny because I am like having sudden thought and dream about our kids. To be honest, I really really misses your 3 nephews. And also I will miss how our kids will look like in the future. This profile picture I put in this blog will always remind me of how happy we can actually be if I trusted you and give you more freedom and stop being an idiot and more mature. Too bad, the damages are done and even though now I change, you will not come back. I can just accept this and already did openly.
Now, I just hope that everything goes well in my life and no more screwed ups. Let all the past be past and just remember the happy things that we once gone thru together. I will always cherish that. At the same time, collecting all our photos to be made into a big photo collage.. I just want to keep it beautiful.
Am I stupid for loving you like this? Will you think I am stupid? For me, I just think that love is not stupid or not clever, not right or wrong, it's only the purity and sincerity of the love that matters the most to me. And i can feel it straight from my heart how I felt about you.
I will always loves you and protect you from whatever harm you might be. I wish to deliver daughter to you soon. Whenever you are ready, just let me know. We don't have to meet. Just allow me to drop it at your car anywhere. Then I will leave.
Baby, you are the best. Always remember this. I may not appreciate you last time, but definitely now, you are my everything. I just simply love you very very much. More than words can say and describe. It will never change for a thousand years to come or many more thousand years. Don't let anyone take advantage of you. I know you are capable of protecting yourself. Stay happy always and if you needed me, remember, just a call away.
This blog will always be active to update my daily activities and love towards you. I love you always. Have a good night sleep and hope that the angel of dreams will be with you and give you sweet wonderful dreams.
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