67th Day of Recover

Here I am again, after 1 month, writing on this blog. I thought I will be able to recover from the pain of losing you. But clearly not. After so many days and keep counting, my heart is still bleeding.

I just blocked you on my whatsapp. And don't plan to update anything on my walls anymore in google+. What will you feel about me? I promise myself not to be in the same darkness and position few months back. I promise myself to be stronger and tougher.

Even if you're not willing to be with me, and chooses him again, it doesn't matter. I believe I am strong enough to move on and enjoy my life.

Since you have chosen him again, I hope you both can live happily ever after and hope he changes for you too. You disappoint me when you said you misses me so much but ended up choosing him again when you had the opportunity to leave. Maybe it is love and you are touched by his sincerity. But you had a good reason to back you up which is responsibility. You said even if you're not happy, even you don't love him, you will still be with him. Until you can't stand. But when will that be? It's good to be responsible and I have decided to step down from being a third party.

I will search for my own life and happiness. While wishing you all the best in your dreams, relationship and career. Sometimes in life, it's all about the choices you make. Not fate. Like I have said to you, I only believe in fate once when it brought us together. Then it is our decision to maintain or to destroy it.

God brought and connected our life, and completed our puzzle. We decided to be together. In the end, it's all our decision on whether we are together, break up, or coming back together. It's not fate anymore because fate has done it's job. The rest is up to us. You have made your decision and I will honor and respect it.

I hope you have a good life with him. Maybe there's something in him that makes you stay.

I am going out tonight to just relax myself with some friends. I just want to find back myself and be happy.

Forgive my selfishness... I am sorry...

38th Day of Recovery

Morning. I guess both our holidays were not as smooth and happy as we both thought it will be. I never knew about all the problems you're having and never intend to be part of your problem. I guess part or not most of it is my problem. I started to buy you luxury brands because I know you love it. I started to chat with you more often which causes all this. I'm very sorry. I will not send anymore messages to you. I will still update this blog because I feel that I tried very hard to recover but in the end, I still love you so much.

I feel that it's very unfair to her now when I'm thinking of you. I never touched her. Never. And she feels weird about it and keep trying when we are in Port Dickson yesterday. We started too quick without me getting over you and now, I don't know how to leave without hurting her. I guess I'm really a bad guy after all. An asshole that never stop hurting girls feeling. Like how much I have hurt you. Me and her is totally different than me and you. I never told her I have a pending Japan trip and keep paying money postponing the dates, paying the penalty. I have it twice now. I too feel like giving up but just don't know how. I can't go trips with her especially to the places I have never been before and my dream places. Somehow I just want to go with you.

I plan to go Paris alone and buy you a Chanel bag still for your birthday present. I have promise you and I have to keep it. I will go in June during your birthday.

You and I, we are actually a nearly perfect couple except for our slight differences in character but knowing it now and even changing it now is useless. I never control her outings with friends and always ask her to go out with them. I will just fetch her afterwards to meet for a while. I spend money on her but she is like you, have strong character which makes me accept her in the first place I think. But that's not love. I knew it now and have no way at the moment to go back.

Don't blame yourself for the person you are now. No one is to be blame even yourself. All of us are born to be happy. We just need to find the right guy and girl in life and get married. My love forever is going to be you and marriage, I'm only thinking of you. I feel sorry to her even by writing this to you now but this is exactly how I feel.

Every girl is meant and born to enjoy life. That's why I pamper and loved you so much. Not because I have lots of money to spend, or because I know you like branded things. But it's actually because of the attitude and character you have. I know that in the future if I'm really in difficulty, you will be there got me and take care of me and my family. That's why just because of this, I will give you the best and secondary to myself. If you see, I never treat myself with any branded things even in London. I spend most of my money on you items. I have no regret even until today. I still believe you are the right girl for me. But now, you're with him and I can only wish and hope you're happy.

My parents, when talk to me always ask me to do 1 thing which until now, I still fail to do. Find a good gf, get married and treat her very nice. My father values what my mum has done for our family. And I value you that much as well for the things you have gone thru with me. I will give you only the best i can afford. If I have money, whatever you want I will get it for you.

Remember, I am always here listening to you. I never leave you although we never see each other and I can't physically be next to you to accompany you when you cry but I will be here. I hope you will stay strong and overcome this. I will not leave you and you're definitely not alone. You will never be alone crying in the dark because I will come with a torchlight.

I know you love him a lot now. And I hope you can enjoy your trip in July with him and his family. You will need to tell your parents too that time. Hope you guys will be able to tie the knot. I sincerely wished you and him happiness.

I love you forever and always. I know it's a strong sentence to say but I really mean it. This is true love. Sometimes we are not meant to be with our true love but we can only wish them happiness with someone else. It's really painful doing it but it's the best for now.

I will not message you on whatsapp now. My good morning and good night will only appear on my google plus post just like you.

Have a great working day for you and hope you will forget all the problems you're facing now and take it as an opportunity to test your love to him.

35th Day of Recovery

Today is a crazily busy day for me since morning. That's why I don't even have the time to update this blog. But I am happy that we are keeping in touch. That you no longer hate me. Although we are not together anymore by fate, but I am satisfied with what I have now.

Our communication like this is good enough for me. Me and my her now started in an unexplained and sudden environment. I don't know what I am doing at all. But don't worry I said before I will never hurt another girl the same way I hurt you. No other girl will feel the pain that you have felt. And I will go thru this pain with you again in the future if you ever going to face it alone without him.

Just remember this, take care of yourself and be tough. Guys can say anything they want when they are coming after you, it's their commitment after, that makes it all count. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I hope he is the man for you because you loved him and I know it. Me and her now, I don't know what we are going thru at the moment. But it's definitely different than when I am with you. But don't worry, I won't hurt her.

I still love you and miss you so much. Somehow, this is a lifetime commitment. You ask me not to wait for you, but can I really do it? Only time will tell. But I definitely still hope and pray that our path will one day crosses each other and we can once again be a lovely couple.

Take care and for now, remember to be happy always. Stay healthy and always smile. A happy heart can cure many disease and sickness and also mental stress.. I know you can do it. Feel it in your heart that I am always next to you even though physically I am very far..

I will be having my vacations in the weekend and taking Monday off as well.. You have a nice weekend too and enjoy your days with him..

34th Day of Recovery

Good morning to you.. I have read your post.. I hope you are feeling better now. Yesterday I am with her but just to fetch her back to her house. She doesn't drive. She is not staying with me. I am just too tired when I got home that I fall asleep straight after taking my bath. I wanted to reply to you while driving but I am driving too fast.

Anyway, you must drink more healthy fruit juice and I know you seldom drink water. Sure dehydrated. Keep yourself healthy please. And if we had the chance, we can go have laksa again. Or please, laksa is your favourite, ask him to accompany you go eat. We use to eat every single week at Seapark. I miss those days together. Suddenly think back, I feel that everything in exchange of what I have now is totally not worth it. If I can have another exchange, I would leave everything behind just to get back the life I use to have few months back. That is the life I always wanted and happy with.

I hope you can sleep well and not waking up everyday around 4 - 6 am. This is totally not healthy. There are things that we can never control and especially dreams. But since you can dream of him, I am sure you have fall for him and only that reason is strong enough for your to cry for him. You don't cry if you feel no pain and you feel pain when you're in love. I don't want to speculate about this too much as it may just be my own thought. But nevertheless if you really like him, probably just like yourself, he also need some space of his own. Maybe you should just allow it since it's just once or twice a week with his friend, whom I know he is quite close with. Different people engage in different types of relationship and that's also one of the reason why I say we are both fortunate. We both had perfect life with our parents approving until unwanted incidents happen that ruins everything. It's my fault.

I have also told you before that when a girl is at his weakest point, any guy would do anything just to win her heart and that includes giving all his time for her, be there for her, pamper her, etc but when together, it is the link or connection that you both have created that will make your relationship last. Find back that connection, find back that link, and find the reason why you loved him and accepted him. I don't know how I treated you last time, but I will give you all my spare time and none left for other girls. You know that. I have never lied or have any secrets with you before. In our times together, I have never had any other girls in my mind except for you.

I am not sure about him but also maybe because of his age. Like I always say, a guy who crosses the 30th mark will find stability in his life, career but not relationship. This is the best time to look around, play around and in the end, single forever. But of course, there are some exception and I hope he is the guy for you since you have chosen him.

Ok, spend too much time typing this. I have so many crazy work to finish. I am going holiday this weekend. I really need time off from my crazy work and less sleep and hope that I can sleep till very late, eat, and the have some walk, movie and then go back sleep again. Really tired. I hope you too can go on a holiday with him and just enjoy yourself.

To be honest, I know our time is not up, but I am praying and hoping everyday that one day in the future, god knows when, maybe a year? maybe 2 years? maybe never? but anyway, hope that our path will cross again.

I love you always and forever.. have a nice day and please no matter what happen, i am behind you.. so smile always. I want to see a fighting girl behind a weak and soft heart. I want to see you resurface stronger each time. I am changing as well. I hope you too.. Take care and have a productive day..

33rd Day of Recovery

I am very happy that you have finally smiled. Even if I didn't do much impact on your life now but being able to generate a smile on your face is a big thing to me.

I hope you will carry on this smile and never let anything else take it away from you. I will always be here for you. We both know deep inside how we felt about each other and although fate tear us apart right now, I believe that in the future, we will be truly happy.

If we are really meant to be together, our path will definitely cross again and I hope that time, we will never ever let each other go again. What we can do now is to just live our life as happy as we can because right now, there are certain things that we can't go back. Just like the relationships that we are both having now.

Take care and we will have chance again for the lovely laksa, prawn mee and your favourite fruit juice.

32nd Day of Recovery

There is a reason why I don't want to update my blog. I wanted you to forget me. I don't want you to continue reading my pathetic blog trying to forget you. I wanted you to move on happily. Until I decided to visit my blog and found out that you are blogging too starting from 15th March onwards.

I read all your post over and over again, use google translation and use voice to read out your message to me.

All those if, and if and if and if.. Are just too late now. If I had known this earlier, I would not have accepted her. But it's too late now. I waited and waited until I know it's impossible when you said you are already with him.

Yes, I said that I will love you forever and until now, it's still the same. I never told her I LOVE YOU this 3 words. Never. I never call her baby, bao bei like how I called you. I only call her dear.. which I never use that on u.. I feel like punching myself so badly that all this has to happen in this way. But reality is still reality and we both have to live on it.

If time really can come back, I would do the same to u.. Hold u so tightly and will never say break up or let u go ever again, even if it's the end of the world. I will die together with u..

Some feelings are just meant to be hidden until our path cross again in the future. U r with another guy and I am with another girl unexpectedly. I never say I will forget you and never say I will not love you, but there are some things in life that I can't control just like u.. If u hadn't been with him or waited until now, maybe we will both be happily together. I don't blame u.. It's the environment that causes us both this enormous pain..

I cried in the office while reading all your post after messaging u that I will go for the kimchi ramen.. I just decided to visit my blog before I leave the office but notice all this. I thought I really can move on but actually the pain of knowing all ur unhappiness and sadness is even worst.. I just hope all this never happen..

Let us be strong for our future.. Nobody knows what will happen. Maybe our path will cross again.. But for now, I want u to promise me to live happily with him.. Time will tell if he is the one or not.. If we are meant to be in the end, we will.. Just like our love.. A thousand years.. I can promise u it will be forever..

You are always very important in my heart. Far more important than anyone else in this world..

I love you forever and always.. Eternal thousand years of love to my beloved baby Ashley...

PS: We will definitely have the chance to eat laksa and prawn me again together. I will bring you.. Hopefully before I leave..

Just remember, some truth are always meant to be hidden. Just like you and me.. Just like how much u said u loved me but in the end, chooses him.. I still believe in u.. but there is no turning back.. I can just pray strongly that our path will cross in the future.. I love you always..

The end of 28th Day - Last post & hidden love forever

Before I start writing this post. I just want you to know that this will be the last post you see. And don't visit this blog anymore. You are right. I shouldn't post anymore on this blog. I will listen to you.

Sadly, the things that you say, is true and I already knew it long ago. We may not be with the person whom we love the most and in the end, we end up being with somebody whom we might not truly love. Today, she hold my hand suddenly and I guess, there is nothing for me to explain further here.

No one knew how I felt about you, about us and I guess, only you know the truth behind everything that happens. I have to take responsibility on the things that happen and accept the fate that we have both gone our different path and own ways. In the future, if our path crosses again, then it's good. But if it's not, then all the best to you and myself.

You know me, I will never give up until I know it's too late and when you started with him exactly a month ago, I knew that instant, it's too late. I gave up that instant. But just my heart is the one holding on and up till now, I have to admit how much I really loved you. But reality and truth is always painful and often time we have to face it openly. I never cried since you started with him. But today, tears roll down for the first time in 1 month. I know, this last post will be the last link between us and after this, we will both go our own ways and may never meet again.

I truly appreciate that you have been loyal and viewing my post every single day. And I am very happy for that. But things that have happen can never be undone.

I just hope you will be truly happy with him and so am I. I may never love the girl like how much I loved you, but things are just the way it is. Sometimes, it's beyond our control.

I can just say 1 thing before I end this. I have never regretted the moment I saw you in the bus. And you will be forever the only girl I loved so much and wanted to marry with. I hope that when you are getting married in the future, please do tell me. That's my only wish and hope from you.

Before I stop, I have a song for you and hope you like it. It's not a thousand years. That will forever be our song and only us. Let us hide our love deep within ourselves. Our love, can be considered true love.A love that is hard and rare to find. A love that may not even exist. But I found it. And it's with you.

Goodbye my love. May our love last forever deep deep deep deep deep inside our heart. I will always and forever love you for a thousand years.

Do not view this blog anymore. Move on, live on, and be happy everyday. Goodnight and have a sweet dream baby.

PS: everything can be thrown away but just 1 thing I can never throw. Daughter.... I will pass this to your friend and throw everything else. Don't worry. I am not going to contact your friend again after I pass daughter to her.