Again, I keep waking up last night hour after hour thinking that you're right beside me. I am so use to hugging you when I wake up at night because that gives me comfort. I feel very comfortable when hugging you at night. But because of my silly mistakes and characters, all is gone now. I have no more chances to hug you and I feel really sad about it and painful.
I am going back soon to the land where all my pain originates. I don't know how I will cope with all this but I guess again I have to face the painful reality. I have no choice it seems. The only way I can survive is to continue living and waiting for the one day when I can finally be reunited with her. Baby, I love you so much. Why couldn't you give me another chance and let me change all the past and give you another new happy life? I misses your nephews so much. I really wanted to play with them and to see them again. Why does all this have to be taken away from me in this way. Why does third party has to come in at this time? Even if your previous relationships, there isn't any third party but why now? I guess, it's all my fault that I never appreciated the love you once had for me and now that its gone, crying and all the painful experiences wouldn't help at all.
Regardless of what will happen in the future and how I painful my life would be, I will still hold on and wait for you. My ring will be the pillar of strength for me. It will remind me that I have a girl that is holding on to it with the hope that I change for her and also prove to her that real love do exist. Even if I have to be single forever, I will prove it. Even if I die one day, or get into a serious car accident or any kind of emergency, I will send you my last message saying "Baby, it's me Dylan. You must be living a happy life now and I am happy for it. As promised, I have loved you until today and will continue in my next life. I will never ever leave you alone. Even if you don't need me anymore, I will still continue to be your angel and protect you wherever you go. Nobody will ever have the chance to harm or hurt you again. You are actually everything I have and I am very grateful that we have once share some of the best moments in my life. This moments will be brought forward to my next life hoping to see you again. I love you very much. You are indeed the love of my life. The gems of my heart. The princess in my kingdom. The girl that would sacrifise herself for me. The girl that has gone thru immense painful experience with me. I will never ever forget that even when I am gone. Take care baby. I just had a terrible accident and might not survive to see you. But you have to be strong and live your happy life. I will never let you shed a single tears for me ever again. Never. Baby, forever and ever my love will be with you."
Day by day passes and although I wishes you happiness, my heart worries that you will love him more and more and forget the bits of our love day after day. Until one day, or in the near future, everything else is no longer there. All your love and miss to me, gone and only your love to him remains. I tell myself, this is unavoidable. If it happens, it happens. What can I do? I can't force you not to love him. I can't find you and hope that you would fall for me again. I am still wondering if you still hated me so much. I really hope that you will not hate me for the words I say because that to me doesn't really represent my character. I am not a violence type of person nor am I a crazy or insane person. Baby, we have once discussed this before after we met. And we both agree that all the words came out of desperation and being pushed to a corner. It's the same as me. I wanted to see you and talk to you but you wouldn't allow me to. That is why I am behaving like this. And I know now that it is totally wrong because you would act negatively against this and in the end, only hurts our relationship more.
Baby, I really hope that in the next few days, I might see your message and you might say something nice with your parents and families about me. This is the only way, we can resolve the hatred and perception and thoughts they have on me. I don't think there is any other way we can do this. The more things I do, the worst they will hate me because of you. You are the best medicine. Baby, we look like a happy couple in everyone's eyes in the past 10 months. Of course they don't know the pain that we have both gone thru and also the sufferings and mental torture that I have brought to you. I am very sorry for this.
Baby, talking about him. You said that you can't leave him and he will collapse if you do. But if you return to me you will be happy but not your family and friends. I can only say this. Yes, if you really leave him, he will feel hurt and collapse but it will just be short while before he can stand up again. I am already collapse and can be considered depress at some stage. I just hope that my condition will not worsen until I have to take medication for thinking of you too much. The sleepless nights throughout this 41 days is just killing me. And it affects me physically and mentally. That's because of the love I had for you and the mistakes I have done which can actually be avoided. I will never ever make the same mistake every again if you ever chooses me back. I can really promise that. My point is, a short term relationship with him will not kill him and you don't have to worry if he will say anything bad about you because if he did, then he is just another jerk. I have never said anything bad to you to all my friends and family and colleagues because I am still hoping that one day we will get back together. Of course you have nothing bad I can say but just that you're into another relationship way too fast. I am not blaming you for that. Just myself. And I really hate myself for that.
About your family and friends, to be honest, when they actually sees you happy, will they care so much. I am sure your parents wants the best for you and a man that can give you happiness. And that you are happy being with him. Just that now, they hated me so much. But with your help, I am sure we can resolve all this. Even if it takes a long time, I won't give up. And your sisters as well. I am sure they are all reasonable person. They will understand all this. Your friends, they are not the one that will follow you thru until the end but friends will understand as well and accept who is best for you. I have never betrayed you before. So there is definitely no death sentence for me. Even until now, I have never never been to a movie with any girls alone or even go out on a date with any of them. Except for in groups when friends introduce them. I never gone out with them solo as I know, it will not be appropriate if your friends sees me with them. I don't want you to misunderstand. I rather do things alone that to make you unhappy. Because I still believe that you loved me.
Baby, nothing can't be resolved in this world. It all takes effort and I am willing to be the one putting in all the effort to save this relationship. No matter how long it takes and even forever, I am willing to wait for your return. I hope one day, you will understand that eventually, true love will win over all the obstacles and create a lifetime happiness.
I love you baby. Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine. I repeat this in all my messages because I am hoping that you will read any one of my post. Even if you don't I will continue to write. I will send a greetings and forgiveness message to both your elder sisters and younger sister as well. Even if I might expect them to scold me back but I just want to sincerely wish them.
Take care baby. I will reach KL by evening and I think by then, you might have left to Singapore.
Learning to be the guy you eventually wanted and loved you so much at the same time is my ultimate goal in life. I will never stop changing myself for the better of our future.
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