I feel like the whole world came crushing down on me. She is officially with someone else now. I feel so much pain in me but at the same time a little feeling of relieve that I don't have to do all those crazy things to find out if they are really together and put hopes on dreams that will never come true. She is, out of all my past relationship, the only girl, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Although we knew each other in a very short period of time, and got together, but the feeling was like knowing someone for a very long time and got reunited again.
I still remember the day we were together. On a beautiful afternoon. You were hugging me so tightly and keep saying we are like brother and sister. And say that you feel comfortable with me. And you even tried testing me by coming so close to kiss me and I keep avoiding it until I hit the wall beside my bed. It was such a funny moment. But also a moment that last forever in my mind. I keep saying I have something to tell you but don't know how and my hand was sweating like mad. You knew it too as you were holding it as well and touching it. I am so nervous when you hug me suddenly on the bed. So So So nervous and my hand was cold and sweaty and I am unable to summon my courage to say it out to you that I like you and wanted you to be my gf. Then I think after an hour or 2 doing all those funny things, I finally manage to summon enough courage to tell you how I felt. And after another hour of persuading you because you were so worry to get hurt again, you agreed to me. I am sorry that in the end, I hurt you badly too. But I never left you for someone else, nor I abandon you because of my work. I just don't do enough to keep you by my side by ignoring all your needs and just focus on my needs. I am sorry for this. Now, it is really too late for anything. I can only blame myself and love you just like a guy who admired you secretly.
This few weeks of torture and painful feelings have thought me to be a better man when dealing with girls fragile heart and needs. I always put my past relationship as a lesson and in my few past relationship, it was always not enough time for them. I thought by putting more time in this relationship even though I am really busy with work, will keep you more happy. I don't mind driving 6 hours just to deliver medicine. I don't mind flying all the way to Singapore just because I miss you. Even if you are in London, US, I would just do the same and fly to you if I really wanted to see you or you needed me. I change myself in the past relationship to provide a better environment and love to you, but clearly the first few months was magical and happy but soon after, it ended up in a disaster break up that I never ever thought of.
In August, after the Olympics, I decided myself and tell my parents about marrying you and ask for their permission. They were so happy. They have been waiting for this for so long. My sister is already married. I make the decision to marry you because of the pain you have gone thru and also because of the love you had for me during that time. I realise that losing you and seeing you in pain, really breaks my heart. Having seen all the bloods and your shouts, just unbearable. I just hope I can share it with you during that time. It breaks my heart completely and I say, I can't leave you like this forever. I need to take care of you forever and decided to propose to you during our anniversary in March 2013. I didn't know that it will end even before that. And today, it is confirmed. That everything ended between me and her.
She is a very lovely girl and she is cute. All her actions to me when she look at me, her funny face. Her trademark pattern is head bended down a bit and looking like you with her poor sad face. That's really cute. I really going to miss that.
Whatever it is that happen, she will always remain the only girl I will love for the rest of my life until the day I die. Because I can never forget the sight of me seeing her in the bus and the feeling of knowing her for like a thousand years in our past life. I felt so comfortable being with her. Just instantly feel like we are already husband and wife. I will continue to love her. And prove to her that true love does exist and when you really love a person, there is no one else that can replace him/her easily. You will never be able to be replaced by any girl. Not the prettiest girl, not the sexiest girl, and definitely not the purest and kindest girl. Because you are you and there is only 1 you in this world. I will only love you.
Whatever happen in the future, if you ever needed me, I will always be there for you. Never letting you cry alone, or get hurt alone. I will always love you even if I am no longer in Malaysia. I think there is no secret now. I will leave Malaysia at the end of March. In April, I will be starting my new life somewhere. We may never see each other again, but my blog will still be active because I will always love you till the end of the world and my life.
Goodbye my love, always take good care of you health and drink more fruit juice and vitamins. Never feel stress as work is just part of your life and ultimately, your health and happiness is the most important.
This blog will be the prove of my never ending love and commitment to you. My promises to you will be forever kept. Even though you might have forgotten me, happily with him and have kids. I will still love you. Never going to leave you.
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