Just reached home from Bali. On the way, I saw many Valentine and CNY posting all over the roads, shops, etc. I just couldn't help but my tears nearly drop in the taxi. I wonder why my life is so miserable this year. It's even more miserable last year. At least last year I am enjoying my single life and my Chinese New Year too. And then to Singapore to just celebrate valentine day with my friends. But this year, it's really bad. In fact super worst. I am terrified to the max about all that happens. I am very sad and really scared at the same time.
It's Friday now and tomorrow is Chinese New Year eve. I don't even intend to go back. And I have lots of emails to reply and reports to do. I just try my best to put myself together so I can solve all this things. It looks easy just by words but it's really really hard by action. I am still working but I can't work in an efficient way or in a way that I use to work last time when you are around. I use to have the motivation to work because I know, I wanted to achieve something in the coming years and to make you proud that you have me as your husband. All this reality is achievable in a way 6 weeks ago but just 1 silly mistakes and the words I used, shatters all this reality and turn it into an impossible dream. Just few weeks ago, we were discussing how you will meet my parents and how we will go and enjoy our trips for valentine. But now, I just realise that things doesn't always happen the way you plan.
I feel so down now when everyone else is happy and busy preparing for CNY. I don't know how you feel at this moment. But if you are reading my blog, you will definitely understand how I felt right now and for the last 6 weeks. I felt immense pain in my heart and immense burden in my work as well. I just wish you could be here for me and support me to go through this living hell.
In my 27 years of living, I guess this year I will have to go through the worst CNY and Valentine Day ever in my life and go thru the pain that no ordinary people will ever understand. God, I still believe in miracle because you have once put me on the same bus with her. I believe it then and I will believe it now and forever. I never regretted meeting the girl I truly love the most in my life. My one true love and the love of my life on first sight. I will never ever forget this no matter how painful I am. She will remain an angel in my heart and the princess in my world and the pillar of strength for me to stay alive and continue to fight for my love.
Baby, you are always and forever be in my heart. I never left you although you might have left me. True love is all about giving and not expecting anything in return. I am willing to give you all my love but you don't have to return it. I just want you to be happy.
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