I reached home and have done the prayer for my grandma. Will be cremating her at 2pm later. Had my dinner at my house and headed straight to my grandma house. Tonight going to be a long night for me as I will be staying up whole day till after the cremation. My work will never be done. Last time, no matter how busy, I still spend my hours with you at night. I notice how wrong is that because I never thought about your freedom at all. Thinking back about it makes me felt guilty that I have taken away your freedom.
Anyway, just now when reaching penang bridge nearly had an accident. The stupid white car next to me bang onto a motorcycle in front of me and nearly causes him to fall. Luckily he can hold his balance. If not, I think i will bang straight to the motorcycle when he fall. So scary. Stupid car. Just came from beside and turn so fast without braking. Damn no brain. I don't want to be a killer.
Along the journey keep listening to our favourite songs. Burned them into a DVD and just keep playing. It makes me feel relax and happy when thinking of you. I finally can let go of the pain that once plagued and haunted me for so long. Now, I don't think of whether we will get back or not anymore. Just thinking of whether you are happy with him or not. The rest, I just leave it aside and focus on myself instead. I finally can control myself not to message you or disturb you. You know it was never easy. Especially when there is message, I keep hoping it's you although I know basically, it's impossible.
But anyway, glad that I am recovering slowly. Now all that's left of you in me is just the true love and also the sweet memories you have left behind for me. Although it's a short 10 months, but it's enough for me to remember for the rest of my life. I am compiling our love life into a story slowly and make an album out of it. Writing stories along the way. People might think I am crazy and you might think this boy is so childish doing things like this. But 10 years later, you will think differently. Memories fade if there is nothing to be seen, pictures got deleted accidentally, phones got stolen, external, pendrives and laptops got corrupted and everything gone. What will be left is just the hard copy of memories and this blog which will stay for a very long period of time. Thanks for being part of my life even though it's a short 10 months. I feel really happy although you don't.
Today is gone and tomorrow is a new day for me again to go thru. I think I am doing fine for now. This year is definitely a crazy year for since the first day of it. Bad things never stop coming. I hope this will be the last and after this, things will go better for me and everything will be smooth.
I also will pray for your smooth journey in your life with him. May you both live happily ever after lovingly. I may not be the one but I will not be selfish in my love to own you. You should have your own happiness and I shouldn't do anything to stop you from finding it. Now that you have found it, I really feel happy for you. I hope that you will treasure the people around you. I will just be here waiting for you and will be here for you when everyone else left you. You will never be alone for sure.
I love you always and forever. Will always pray for you and your family. Goodnight my dear Ashley. May sweet dreams and happiness be with you always. Take care....
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