She keeps on screaming in pain and I keep monitoring her pulse and sometimes when she screams, her pulse goes up to 175 and even up to a critical level of 205. Her normal pulse when she is not screaming in pain is just 125+ or -. I think there is no pain in this world that can matched with hers at the moment. Not even the pain I am suffering now. Mine is just mental pain. Hers is physical which is totally i think unbearable.
At this time, I wanted so much to call you and talk to you or to just send you text messages but I know, you already made it so clear by asking him to message me that you don't want me to send anymore messages to you. At least you don't have to suffer the pain I am suffering now losing the one girl that I loved so much in life and my grandma that once taken care of me and never once hit me for all the bad things I have done when I am small.
I just wish you be beside me and I wanted to ask you about the cancer or any doctors you might know that can reduce the pain that my grandma is having or maybe a cure to it because as I know, cancer now has a cure but it will be costly and expensive. But I think at this stage, money is not really a big problem. But I think, I am not in a position to even talk to you or message you. How I wish the messages you have sent to me after we met and have a drink is true. That your love to me will remain even if I don't love you anymore and you will be there for me when I really needed you. I really needed you now. But can you be there for me? I guess your last message after I sent you the flowers explains everything. You said that the messages you sent to me were just from earlier feelings when we first broke up and that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Nevertheless, the things that I have said to you from the moment we broke up until now and all my promises still remains. Because I wanted to tell you that throughout the days when we were together, although I have mistreated you and although you have forgiven me and given me chance to change, I have never lied to you. And my promises, you just gave me 1 month. And I am trying my best. But now I know, what exactly my problem is. And I will show it to you that true love will conquer everything and I will show you that my love to you will always remains as promised. I will never break my promise again.
Never mind about all that as now my grandma is all I am thinking of at the moment, although constantly, I keep thinking of you. I just hope that my grandma can go thru all this pain and heal. I know it's impossible but I just don't want to see her in so much pain. I just wish that baby, you can be here for me now.
But impossible is always impossible. I wish you happy with him and I hope you never read my post anymore. This way, you will be able to forget me and concentrate on your new love. But I will still post my feelings here because this is the only platform that I can share out my thoughts without messaging you or harassing you. Just to tell you again, me, Dylan will never never never hurt you or bully you again. Everything I said about you which is bad, are not true at all. You know that all is anger words. And even if one day you chooses to return to me, my door is always open regardless of how many boyfriends you have or even if you are married and divorce. My door will still open for you. I will take care of you and give you the freedom, trust and life that you need. this is my promise to you.
I love you always and god bless my grandma. Take care baby. And have a great CNY and Valentine with him.
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