Monday 18 February 2013

The end of 3rd day - Ashley, read the last part

Finally, the end of the 3rd day of recovery. Things going well for me. Had a wonderful night watching movie with my friend. Thanks for the time spend. You need to wake early but still watch movie with me until so late.

This movie is so damn funny. But just like my expectation, it is just too fake. Sigh, other than that, it is a good movie just for some laugh. I think you must have watched it earlier with him.


Work is not fun anymore for me. Javad keep pushing me on my work and see me 3 times today just having meetings over my next few projects. It is really crazy but in the end, he showed his true face to me by asking me if John called me to talk about anything. And ask me to be careful not to be use by John. Javad says he got my back if anything happens. Pure bullshit. I will not be used by any one of them. Anyway, at least my bad day was compensated by a happy outing. 

Ashley, the following message is just for you only. 
  
First of all, really thanks for reading my blog. I never knew you were reading it all the while. But really thanks. And hope you can finish reading this part and maybe don't follow my blog anymore. You already have a bf. I totally understand this and no longer hope anything with you. I am just a third party now.

Secondly, please don't misunderstood by my Japan trip posting. As I never thought you would read my blog, thus I am just saying out what I feel but I don't really hope or ask you to go with me. Of course it is crazy when you are already attached. I will never and won't allow you to do such thing at all. You just stay happy with him and ignore my postings here. It just represent what I feel but not the reality. The reality is very clear to me and 100% clear that you have a bf. I will never put hope on us anymore. At least not when you have a bf. And I don't want to be the reason behind any of your problems or misunderstandings with him.

Thirdly, I am really sorry again for the threatening and mental torture I have given you in the past 2 months. Please don't keep that in your heart. I never really meant any of the words I said to you and never take any actions on it at all. Not now, not in the present and never in the future. I am sorry again sincerely. You can revenge on me it's ok. I will take it openly.

Fourthly, I don't understand what you meant by WeChat. I totally don't understand. I create another user? i only have 1 user and it was already block by you. If you think I created another user to add you, then you just think it that way. I will admit if it's me because tell me, at this stage when you are already with him, what else can I do? Get back with you? I am not that naive or childish to think that you will return to me after being with him. Anyway, don't really need to say anything about this.

Lastly, I never intended to return the things slowly to you 1 by 1. True enough, some of the things I intended to keep it. When we broke up, you ask me to return you everything. I pack and I left some of it out. Not intentionally but some I have to admit yes. I only have 1 reason behind it. Hope of seeing you more times and hope of getting back with you again. Because you repeatedly tell me that you and him is just friends and colleagues. I believe you fully. That is why I am keeping some of the things. Not because I don't have the heart to return to you. But my heart longs to see you more. And this is the only way I can do that. If not, tell me, what reason do I have to see you on the 25th January? No reason at all. If you want to hate me for wanting to see you more and loved you so much. Then you can hate me. I am not afraid to tell you that, yes, I really love you and yes, I admit keeping some of the things and slowly return to you because I put some little hope on us getting back together. Now, you told me 3 days ago that you and him officially together. I have already packed everything that belongs to you and not a single thing left which are not yours anymore. Including rubber band, panty liners, kotex, facial cotton, every single small things that belongs to you. Is already in the LV paper bag. I will not keep anything anymore. Hate me for as long as you like. I have no bad intentions on you nor purposely make you angry. I will leave the time for you until end of March to decide when you want me to return it to you by putting it inside your car. I won't force you to see me if you don't want. Even if we never see each other. It doesn't matter. Before I leave, I will pass everything to your friend. I will never throw daughter away as I have given her to you. You can either take it from your friend or you can ask her to throw it away. At least I never throw daughter from my own hand. And to be honest, ask yourself, if in the second day of break up, i returned everything to you, do you think I will still be having this blog with over 100 postings now? I think you won't even see me anymore or hear from me again. If I really do that, it meant that I really don't love you and just wish you to leave faster. That's my thought but it may not necessary be yours.

Thanks for fulfilling my last wish. You worry too much and never trusted my word. I will never send you a single message on your mobile anymore. I will just write things on this blog and it's up to you if you want to read of not. But better don't. You have a bf and just focus on him. Nothing left on us except for my love to you which is not important for you to know. Is it really important for you to know if I still love you? Since 3 days ago, I never put hope on us anymore. So don't worry if you send anything, said anything or do anything. Because in my mind, you are already someone else's GF. 

I will still love you but i never expect to get back with you anymore. Just let time decide everything for me. Maybe it will heal, maybe it will still feel the pain, maybe others will come in, maybe I will be alone forever, but whatever it is, I will just do what I feel right everyday. Be it writing on the blog, go out with my friends, hanging out with new girls, or just staying at home. Whenever I feel is right, I will just do it

Thanks for all the photos. It was important to me. Take care and have a nice day. I will just wait for your message about your things. This is the last bit of it. I just want to make sure no more things that belongs to you with me anymore. 
My love to you is blind and true at the same time. That's the truth whether you choose to believe or not. In the future, things are still the same for me, you are my priority and if you wanted an ear or shoulder, I am always just a call or message away from you.

Goodnight. It's nearly 3 now. Have a sweet lovely dream with him.  


PS: you have a lovely flower from him.You must have a very lovely and memorable valentine. I saw this on your whatsapp when you unblock me. Guess you told him about the flowers i send to you as well. it's good to have no secrets between the both of you. But remember at least 1 secret you must keep. This blog. thanks.. 

Lastly, I just want to tell you, never in a day, have I not regretted the things I have said bad about you, and the harsh messages I have sent to you causing all the mental tortures and painful experience for you. I am really sorry for that. If you hate me still, I will not blame you. You have all the right to do that. I am sorry.

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