Reading back old messages

Reading all our past messages gives me some sense of security sometimes. I know sometimes I am just trying to lie to myself and said to myself that, there is still hope as long as I never give up and still hang on. I truly believe in this. Because I will never give up on you. This message below was sent to me few days after we seen each other for a drink. You said your love to me will never fade. And you will love me for a thousand years even if I don't. you are wrong, I will love you for many more thousand of years to come and I will not give up on you. Never. Even if you have a new bf, I will also be your guardian and protect you. I have said this to you few weeks ago and now I am saying the same thing. I will say the same even after few weeks later, few months later or even few years later. I will never give up on you and will always be there for you if you need me.

Baby, tears are running down my cheek now too just thinking of the days you spend with him and also the image of you holding his hand. If I say, it's not painful and I will be happy, then I am really lying to myself and you. But the truth is, even if it is so painful, I still have to be open and wish you happiness. This is the hardest thing to do, but what choice do I have. I tried to fight you back, but I realise, the more I fight, the more I try to get you back, the more you run and the more you hate. I am afraid, I am really afraid that in the end, all that is left of you to me is just bad memories. I wanted to leave behind good and sweet memories that you can think of every time you had me in your mind. The pain for me is always there whenever I think of you, so much pain. But I have to pretend to be happy for you. And to show it out to the public, is really hard. I can only keep the pain to myself.

I love you baby, forever. How I wish I could be with you now. Just going through the life we use to do. I guess you are doing that kind of life with him now. If you are happy, then I will leave things as it is and just mourn all the pain myself. I won't destroy or disturb the life you have now.