The world seems to come to an end for me today right at this moment. Everything seems to be darker and the lights seems to be dimmer. The things I have once treasure and value so much, disappear just like that. I tried so hard to get it back. But I just couldn't. Again it felt like the whole world is coming down under me. I felt so much pain, so much pressure and stress and it feels like my heart is no longer there. Just the physical body without a heart.
Baby, every morning when I woke up in the 10 months we were together, I use to hug you after I bath. Now, when i came out of the shower, all i see is an empty room without a soul. I couldn't imagine how hard that could be to me. I just couldn't imagine it. Everything seems to come to an end. There is no inner voice that is asking me to keep on going, to move on. What happen to that voice? Why am I so weak in love? Today, she wrote that she will accept him formally as her bf. The moment she said that, my whole heart sank. I feel the immense pain in my heart and I felt like we will never ever getting back together. I made a big mistake by accusing her being not at home late at night although she said she is at home. It's all my fault to worry too much about her and wondering what she is doing. Am I insane? Am I crazy in spying on people's life. Am i being too much by just going to her house often and see if she is home. Sometimes at night, I really can't sleep but just to do something and sometimes, it just prompt me to drive out of my place and just to see if she is around. I don't know but seeing her around makes me a lot calmer. Guess I really need to see a psychologist for my mental illness.
Even after 35 days, all those memories are still fresh in my mind. I can't stop thinking about you and all the fun things we have done together. All the crazy words you have said to me while you're working. Crazy sexy words. And the crazy photo you took of yourself to send to me while I am away for business. I deleted that btw. It's just crazy. But I love the way we behave like this. We enjoy what we do and we love each other so much. Although you said you no longer love me today and everything is just hatred, I believe that you still do. But I know how much you hated me now again. We have gone thru this before and after seeing me back, all the feelings flow back. I truly believe you love me. I am sorry for my crazy acts but I can tell you, that is the most I do. I never follow your car out, or even follow where you are going. I don't have the intention to do that at all. Just maybe come to your house to see if you are around. I am not doing that anymore. Enough is enough. Now that I have officially heard what you say, I will just keep to my words that as long as you say it, I will leave you alone.
Our memories will always be special in my mind. Always. I have never met a girl like this before and fall straight in love. And I believe you too share the same chemistry as me. That is why we both can be together in just 5 days. I am happy for you. if you truly can find your own happiness.
I can't message you anymore to tell you this but always remember, I will love you for as long as I live. And will guard you forever. This is the promises I will keep. And if you're in pain, I will be beside you if no one else is. My love to you is forever and eternal. I am not going back to pg for CNY. I don't want to upset all my family members. I will send a message to them saying that I will b busy working. Being sad alone is enough.
I love you baby.. Always.
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