My performance for work lately for the last 1 month is really like a disaster. My performance has dropped by more than 50% and I am really slow now in responding to the emails and doing my work. Sigh.. Guess she really had a big impact on me overall in my life.
It's 3.15pm now in my office and suddenly I feel like writing this. I will be travelling to Bali tomorrow to perform my work duties and was suppose to be very busy with all this workload coming down on me. But I guess besides my colleagues, there's nobody I can go and talk to. I used to talk to you about this daily after work and you use to complain to me about your work as well. It was so cute the way your doctors are name after. Dr Tiang, Dr Daun, Nik Helmi, Prof Wan, Ismail, Prof Che, Tajul (Si Miang), etc.. too many. Can't name all here. But anyway, I really missed your long complaining. I hope you can find a suitable job for you and he can help you with some of your burdens. I no longer can do that and I believe he will be a good bf for you as he is way older than I am and way more mature.
Chinese New Year is approaching soon. You must be busy preparing hampers for the chinese dr. And definitely will need hands to help you to deliver and carry them. I think he will be able to help you as he is working in the same field and company and can follow you when doing the delivery. In a way, suddenly I felt that he is the right guy for you and I shouldn't be so stubborn in this. But in another hand, I really hope you be with me because I am also confident I can take care of you and bring you happiness in the future. But that will just remain as a hope as I don't know if it will even be realised. This year is another boring year for me as I have decided not to go back for Penang. I don't want to upset my parents and also my grandma who is currently so ill. I will go back after to visit them but will give an excuse that I am really busy working. Which I actually am but just lack the motivation to do it. But I will tell my parents that we have broke up and I still love you so much. I hate this year Valentine. Although it is just another day and if we are happy, everyday can be regards as Valentine but it is also a symbol of happiness where everyone on that day will be together and happily celebrate the special day with that special someone. I will be alone in Maldives during that time with daughter and Madagascar son. I just can blame myself for all the stupidity in the world for the things I have said and done.
I just missed the things we use to do together. All the little things we do, no matter small or big, sometimes bring great laughter to us. Just like the way you do your mask. I don't know why, I just like looking at your cute face and imitate it. Really cute and funny. Hugging you sleep at night. Waking up having you next to me. This all is just a big blessing for me. I really appreciate all this small little details. What I have never done is to appreciate all this little details and to tolerate all the other things you have done such as chatting on message, surfing the FB, sitting alone on the chair. I shouldn't even said all that to you or stop you. How foolish I am?
It's all just way too late and there's nothing I can do now except to wait. I love you baby. May you have the happiest CNY and Valentine day this year. Love you always.
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